


Blindsided

by MarinofNohr



Category: Fire Emblem: If | Fire Emblem: Fates
Genre: Gay, M/M, Multi, Slow Burn, watch that immediately not be slow burn because my gay ass is lazy and just wants niles content
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-03
Updated: 2018-09-19
Packaged: 2019-06-01 16:19:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,401
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15147008
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MarinofNohr/pseuds/MarinofNohr
Summary: “Marin.”“I can explain-.”I can’t explain.Oh hello Leo, yes it is me, I definitely didn’t run into a forest in a fit of panic at making decision? Please don’t kill me and let me fight for you after my star example of loyalty.“My dearest brother whom I have cared for in sickness.” Perhaps due to my previous onslaught of germs provided by frogs . “I am very smart-.” Debatable. “As I am the leader of this noble  peoples who has left us with a minimized death count of what- what is that I’m hearing? Zero?” Granted there are three of us. “No- look- listen-.”





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic and i really wanted ti post something not to mention I'm insanely craving for more of that Sweet Niles Content. Thanks for actually reading this one of my four at most readers :D 
> 
> Chapters will be longer on the future!
> 
> Edit: Decided to add a bit more of the chapter which I think is a bit better than the ending I had before which felt weak. To be fair its 4AM anything looks good to me right now.

“Listen...Milord? Wake up!” When I was younger, I used to hate my room in the castle. It was so big that your footsteps echoed when you walked and the cold walls were an inky black only darkened by the towering shadows against the candlelit corner and I was so small.

“There are better places to nap than on the floor, dust-eater.” 

And everything else was so big. I’d hide under the covers and listen throughout the night for faint whispers and clicking footsteps until even a peek of morning light and then, I’d finally rest. Thus, I’d be displeased when forced into awakening on the rare days I had morning princely duties.

Flora huffs. “That isn’t going to be a thing Felicia Dust-eater isn’t happening..”

Luckily, I am an adult now.

“I-it can be!”

“I wonder just how much I can get away with when it comes to the elasticity of our laws.”

Being an adult means you are wise and learn how to do things such as rising with your arms crossed and your wit freshly sharpened like a cat’s claws, I’ve learned that I can remain displeased at all times, in light or absence of it. “After all I have money and privilege. That’s just begging for me to chip in on my literal get out of jail practically card. Why wait.” I suppose I’d be more menacing if my eye was more than half open.

“Milord.”Dissapointed, maybe a little chastising. I felt an unexpected shard of guilt. I can practically feel her gaze on my spine creating a chilling path to my heart and pulling.

“Flora.” My head pulls away from the sound of her voice.

“Your pouting.”

“The Prince does not pout, I am merely taking my time before you walk me to my execution.” 

“Aw c’mon aren’t you tired of being stuck here…” Felica’s ponytail swings behind her as she gestures to my room. I’d imagine it’s immaculate only thanks to the gentle handiwork and sharp eye of Flora and Felicia to whom I owe an insurmountable amount of debt for this. “Don’t you want to…” She falters If only momentarily. “T-to enjoy more than just trees in the wind and know more than your usual pout by your windows by the….t-trees!”

“No.”

A feminine chuckle. “My, my aren’t you just grumpy in the morning.” 

“Camilla are you my cane for the morning, thrilling!” My dry witicisms are always plentiful in the mornings. “Is this it? Have you all banded together and decided that I must go. Permanently.” She merely hums indulgently as I curl my fingers are her soft arm. “Really I understand, just know I loved you all, bury me by the dragon statue.”

Silence.

“Are we not talking this morning? Perhaps your having seconds thoughts about your homicide.” I pause thinking briefly...perhaps I could allow silence to befall us. 

.

.

.

I take a breath. 

“Truthfully, I'm quite happy that at least I will die in Nohr, as imagined. Albeit, I had thought perhaps Flora would finally grow weary of my morning greetings that are often unorthodox and perhaps a bit….less than mannerly..” 

I pause for a moment an irrational feeling of discomfort slinking up my spine like...tape worms. 

The sound of my voice this morning was a fork clanging against a plate but silence is the feel of a child’s body shuddering its last breath.  
“And so, she'd poison me. Nonetheless I…..”

We stop abruptly. Camilla distangles herself from me only to quickly wrap her fingers around my wrist with one hand idly drawing mini-circles on my skin.

“I must continue on my protest if there is to be any progress-” Wait, that isn’t right, I hear voices. No, that definately can not be right, I do not hear voices except for when we are outside Nohrian Political meetings that I cannot go to because of my condition ... my crippling anxiety?  
Camilla threads a hand through my hair which she only does when she pushes me into doing thing I do not handle well she then usually follows it by saying;

“There is no reason to be nervous, dear.”  


Shit.

In retrospect, I should’ve known that the mere notion of me being excused from fighting Xander would come with consequences I myself may not fully understand. I may be able to get away with saying the wrong thing being one of the younger Nohrian siblings under the wing of Camilla, Her Solicitousness but, I am getting older and that terrifies me. I haven’t learned this, I need more time.  
“Marin..I understand we didn’t mention this to you earlier..Xander wanted to but when I saw how at peace you looked in your sleep I just couldn’t..” Camilla starts in a tone that one may speak to a child with. It angers me but, I feel ashamed at this at once. What right do I have to be mad when I stand here quivering like a child at my belated entrance at what I was born to do. I will face this as I would face Xander. I feel my previous feelings crawl behind my newfound resolve.  
I huff “I’m getting older Camilla, I’d be stupid not to realise that.” I soften if only by a fraction. Camilla has done nothing but do me kindness, I cannot have her thinking I am in any way feeling negative toward her. “I suppose I have to let go of your hand at some point big sister.” I raise my chin. “Get the door if you please.”

“I just opened the door, Marin.” Oh? I hadn’t noticed her movement at all. That is odd. I suppose if the best of us slip in moments of brief panic. I walk in the room.

And instead run straight into the door, the feminine chuckle of Camilla ringing behind me. I hold my nose in mock offense. 

“Certainly Her Solicitousness was momentarily possessed and that is why I was allowed such a cruel occurrence to happen on my very person. My dear kind older sister Camilla would never treat me in such a cruel way.”

“Certainly not.” Camilla agrees, I feel the warmth of her lips on my forehead. This time I hear her open the door and I ignore the immediate fear that clutches my heart as the door creaks open and I hear any sound of of a voice lull to a stop until..

“Ah, excellent. Marin. You’ve arrived.” Xander’s voice always reminded me of a time where I was much smaller and I’d feel the vibrations of his chest as he spoke. He grabs my arm I stumble meeting his gait as he guides me into the room, I recognize that burning feeling as the eyes of everyone in the room. He raises my arm.

“You as any other citizen of Nohr, have watched him grow from when he was born and now get to see him blossom into someone who will ensure the greatness of Nohr is fully achieved.” I hated the attention as a kid, it scared me. When it truly got the best of me I’d break down crying. I’d be inconsolable and Xander would have to carry me if we were in public. His figure could easily engulf mine then, so easily I used to think, he could crush me if so desired. 

“What you didn’t know is that he is blind and therefore incapable of many things a normal royal would and so I and others decided he would not face me in combat, However he is not exempt from the honor of serving our country.. We are in a tentative time of peace with Hoshido but, they can not be trusted still. We are hoping by sending him to our borders we can negotiate a more prosperous future between the warrior country and us.” I blinked, my mind racing. I have no sight, where others who are blind get better hearing I received an unfaltering mind. I dug through his words, it made sense I suppose. The safest option was to send a prince to negotiations anything else would be an insult to Hoshido’s culture. A subtle insult to their honor, their pride. Given the history of Nohr, this action would not be excused, However all of our royalty are trained to kill sans Elise who is my only light in our starving country, who has the diplomatic tact of a muffin and the innocence of a baby pegasus bless her soul, I do not doubt she would create options we could not make a reality.So, It makes sense. Logically, send me. The prince who cannot spot an ally or a foe. The prince who has been huddled up in a castle learning his entire life, the fantastical esque trump card that was once a secret to all who weren’t Nohrian. It would be a waste not to use your bargaining chip, the years spent raising it would go to waste.

Sometimes, I think so much I forget to feel. It was very useful in the moment because all I could feel the moment my very own brother spoke of my incapabilities, the one I once called ‘My Xander’ as I possessively held his and ‘My Camilla’s’ shirts, with such a detached yet confident tone. The same tone I once envisioned he would use when I finally landed that hit on hm and was allowed to contribute to feeding our people and later our land to speak of me in a manner that if you thumb gently between the lines you could run your fingertips through and discover that I am not strong nor capable enough of my own decision and will be used as an offering to another country against my will. So, I will continue to think, I will deduce whether Leo’s collar was inside out today, I will deduce whether the grip on my arm is prideful or how one would carry a secret weapon, I will think of the fading warmth on my forehead from Her Solicitousness because then I don’t have to feel as weak as I am treated. I do not have the feel my emotions seep out no longer wanting to hide in back and slowly crush my very being. 

“It is an honor to still have the chance to serve for the glory of Nohr.”


	2. God I Wish Things Happened

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yeah I made Leons name leonidas fight me 
> 
> In which Marin gets picked up by the collar like a kitten and he panics.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aight imma be real diddly squat happened this chapter but dont worry things....are coming

“Is there a reason for you to be hiding, Milord.” For my endless self activism and frequent deployment of angst. Perhaps, I truly do not attempt to dignify myself in this moment where I grabbed the closest thing I could find which was soft and reminded me of when I used to allow Camilla to dress me in this wonderful silks when I was still young enough. Which is stupid. It was just loud in there..in the meeting room and I figured with just a hint of bitterness that no one would care if I were as they no longer needed to fill their monthly reassurance that they’re selfless and kind and so very giving for attempting to talk to me like a human being.. and I couldn’t handle all these people touching me let alone insisting I touch their faces… That isn’t much of an answer. I am hiding behind a glorified curtain not at the edge of a roof.

However...I stand by my decisions.

“Everyone holds reasons for actions, Sir. It is why we do them.” I bow my head feeling my face heat up. 

“Oh I’m sure.”There was an amused twinkle in the man's eye. I know it. “Everyone hides behind statues, curtains and on special days vases hmm?" He announces loudly just as I opened my mouth to defend myself in vain, I feel my feet leave the ground and an uncomfortable pull against my neck. 

“Niles!” I clench my fists. “I’d like to assume you have temporarily lost both eyes and grabbed the wrong thing-” 

“Lord Leonidas sends his regards.” His tone tinged with his typical mischief that yearned for prying eyes, the frustrating part is that some idiot (SEE: Leonidas my younger bother) decided it was best that they allow this man to handle important information. In order to speak to him I noticed that instead going through the usual cordial yet distanced bantered with unfamiliar staff or perhaps even friendly dialouge, if they are long time members, I experience the stages of grief in no particular order.

“Come off it, Sir. Can I simply just..receive a message from dear Leonidas through his retainer without having to relinquish my soul.” Today, I decided to bargain, desperation makes me do funny things.

“Oh but what’s the fun in that, Milord. I so enjoy watching you squirm about… begging helplessly.” He drawls. “Besides, I’m sure if I let you down you’d perhaps find another curtain to hide behind.” I flush running my thumb over my fists in thought. I could try to coerce him into dropping me and run with every fiber in my body towards Elise who is most likely to take pity on me...at the risk of Niles catching me again. I sigh.

Acceptance.

“Lead me to my doom and know your name will be on my lips when they ask for the next person to join me in hell.”

“Oh I want nothing more than to hear you say my name."

 

Returning the the meeting room like a disgraced lover and the grace of a newborn of giraffe was certainly not part of the plan. And yet, here I stand. The earlier respectable audio enforced by Xander’s imperial existence has been eradicated and instead morphed itself into to an uncontrollable cacophony of complete chaos that can only be caused by spoiled rich people in a small area. It’s to be expected of people who all hold varying but, prominent degrees of detestment toward each other. Or at the very least that's what I find myself currently repeating in my brain to refrain from igniting a revolt by burning the castle to the ground in an extremist action expected of the poor. I found myself wandering around the floor of the meeting room in my own special brand of solo tango. My unique moves effortlessly avoiding speaking to anyone at all costs. I however have an affinity for returning to the very corners of the room and ah, not 'pout' as Camilla phrased. Xander said it more aptly, by calling it…...brooding.

“Oh you’ve returned so quickly, I had no idea I left you wanting more so desperately.” Niles seems to be adamant at remaining in the very same spots I cannot help but return to.

“You’ve just so easily grabbed my attention as, I’ve never had anything so obnoxious that it somehow monopolized the sight of a blind man.” I quip back crossing my arms raising an unimpressed eyebrow.

“Perhaps I should grab just bit lower instead…” I could feel his breath on my ear as he dragged a finger down my chest before promptly lifting me by my shirt. Again.

“You are what’s wrong with Nohr.” I hiss. As in I felt my airways get blocked and I made a stupid noise. I shift my gaze. “May you just leave me alone before I am forced to abscond once more, I’d appreciate just being able to sit down and breathe else I have to get physical”

“Oh so I made you this way, I wonder what else I can make you do…” The man purrs easily. “Lets see how physical we can get. Afterall, I’m sure it’d be no difference then what your soldiers do while you sit from the comfort of your castle.” He drops me on my feet leaving me beneath him.

Oh, yes it was part of my genius master plan to swim over to Hoshido in the dead of night, use my impeccable eyesight to slit the throat of the Hoshidan royalty then booked it back to Nohr via motorboat when things got sour. 

“Why must you insist on making me into the evil being that forced you to work under the throne, under Leon for that matter. Perhaps, you’d like to return to where you were previously? ” I accuse, then immediately regret that. “I apologize, Sir. I'm tired.”

“Clearly.”

“...” I do not reply immediately though I feel a judgemental stare on my skin that know isn’t truly there. “I’m sorry, I...do not have the right to say those things to you.. I don’t- I do not know you that well but, It was...not the most smart nor articulate decision on my part and I’m certain that you beliefs are what they are for good reason.” My face tightens. “You aren’t stupid.” Like me.  
I shift my thumb running it over a fist I hadn’t noticed I created. I open my mouth to say...something. Perhaps a witticism or snide comment at the expense of rich white people and yet...nothing comes out. The disconnection between my brain and my mouth has grown from a river to a valley.

I press my lips together as if to shield my mouth from the moment of silence.

“Come now Milord, there’s no need to eye the crowd so...salaciously. If I had not known of your blindness I’d think a woman had caught your eye.” I could practically sense the smirk curling across Niles’ face.

Sexuality is a fickle thing that escapes the ability of many to comprehend due to the fact gender itself is a most jarring thing to contemplate as it leads to questions upon questions piling upon the pretty pink sponge in your head to be free of it is no easy task as even as you seek answer you must be hesitant toward change due to the scrutiny of others.

“Oh. No thanks. Boys.” Is what tumbles out my mouth bringing the castle of words in my mind to a steady collapse leaving only the lone survivors to say what needed to be said with addlepated success.

I am future diplomat. 

“My apologies Milord, I hadn’t meant to to insinuate you were one of them.” 

“I’m afraid I won’t recover from that blow. You’ve disgraced my blood, I will never recover.” I press a hand to my chest curving my lips into a frown. 

“Niles, you’ve killed my brother.” I hear Leonidas’s voice fall into a deadpan, the rustling of his dress shirt implying he had crossed his arms. “Shame. I needed to borrow him.”

“Maybe if you do the-” 

“I will not.” Leonidas cuts me off before I can reference the many great shared Brother Memories we held. As he often does. Leo does not allow me to enjoy being his favorite older brother.

“Lee-lo, please?” I know he will not concede yet, I still want to listen to him squirm.

“I’ve never seen your face hit such an exquisite shade of red, Milord.”

“Niles.” He chastised sounding quite the opposite of put together then clears his throat perhaps attempting to seem more professional. “Actually, Niles...I needed you present for this anyway.”

“Excellent save, Leonidas.” I interject, he shoots me a pointed look in rebuttal.

“When you go and….negotiate with Hoshido..” I could sense his internal conflict with the slightly sour sound of his voice. “I want Niles to accompany you.”

Oh. Oh no. There is going to be danger. Leonidas has taken it upon himself to either ensure I perish or attempt to subvert whatever utter annihilation that is to appear.

“Don’t panic.” He says quickly holding my shoulder. “It is just an extra precaution...I don’t want you getting hurt.”

The rest of the meeting was a blur of meaningless banter and more chatting with Niles on the emptiness of words than I'd enjoy.

\-----

When I returned to my room I slapped myself in the face which I realize now was a bad idea.

 

I wheeze clutching my face bending over and biting my lip in pain. “Oh god.”

“AaaauuuAaaughh!” Oh dear, Felicia… she breaks down over pressure and makes these noises that mimic faceless with a hint of anxiety ridden feminine charm. ‘I should stop before she starts throwing knives or perhaps dies of heart failure.’ I think even though I do feel a bit warm about her caring about me. ‘I’d like to return Leonidas’ book to him unscathed this time.’ I straighten my back.

“Felicia are you quite alright? I’m afraid I found a bug on my leg again.” I run a hand through my bangs allowing them to drop in front of my right eye.

“Oh- oh my- Milord!” Ah, Felicia ever the vigilante caught the mark I definitely left on my skin.

“Oh that’s so sad, Joker play Together We Ride.” A similar significantly calmer voice follows up much less empathetic and certainly more dry.

“Flora, you’re fired.” I lightly push her, not too hard lest I accidentally push her outside my room and she falls to her doom. 

“Stop calling me Joker.” I jump hearing the sound of Joker….Jakob’s voice behind me. “Milord shall I call a cleric or perhaps ice for your face. As you’ve used mage hand on your own face.”

“Never. Fired.” I cross my arms. I don't need them, Felicia can deal with my room and I'll figure out the rest, I have my pride after all.

“Enjoy running into walls, Milord.” Against my better judgement, I laughed. Which isn’t ever the right idea becaue then she'll think she has *the right*. I have at least a thread of my princely dignity left and I intend to protect it with my life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hmu @marsenatsu on tumblr.
> 
> this could've been done yesterday but...voltron. Yfeel?


	3. Chapter 3: THE FUCKENING

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> im sorry for the title. this one was too good to erase.
> 
> Anyways, Marirn walks around and bitches per usual don't expect much.....or do you?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
> 
> Its finally done this bitch blocked the shit out of me. Sorry if its kinda short

I awoke to a rough start the next morning. Not that it would be known by anyone but, myself and perhaps my Serving Family (SEE: Joker, Flora and Felicia.) I have yet to give them a proper name without lowering their importance to my biological family... perhaps separating them is counterproductive to that notion. Flora especially since she holds such a huge amount of real estate in my heart due to her longtime loyalty, like some sort of spoiled royalty. What a witch. Though if I'm honest, I am naturally drawn more to all of my personal aids more than my blood family as of late. Our magic is hopelessly intertwined, I hate it. It leaves me in a place where I cannot possibly be as difficult as I’d like….without consequences. Which they all remind reminds me of to this very second. Myself being particularly difficult today as I am trapped in my own thoughts which serves more danger than more more infamous negative moods. The reason for such mental gymnastics is one of my own mental mysteries meant only for my brain and those who are obnoxiously poking at it currently.

“M-Milord if you’d just let us do our job maybe you’d….make our job...easier.” Felicia has the audacity to poke a nail I stress-manicured last week right on the pinch between my eyebrows a spark of cool magic hitting my forehead. We’ve been doing this all morning...I commend her determination if anything.

“Aptly put Felicia.” Joker comments, passing by us merely. He's too busy doing his actual job of cleaning up the bowl I knocked over in fear it was actually a murderer attempting to kill me. Unlike Xander, I do not knock on death's door with open my arms as if she were an old relative.

“Well great, Felicia. Now we are both frustrated.” I fold my hands under my chin fully aware of my being petulant as I am chef, a culinary artist and revenge is my piece, masterfully I add salt to the wound but, don't forget to smile to add the perfect balance of bittersweet to your dish. I know I'm meeting her gaze, I can feel the intensity of it. 

“You….you…” Ah, I broke her english so early in the morning. 

“You are a menace?” I supply. That one is popular between the twins.

“No...no...Flora what is the word for….” I hear Felicia's heels clack as she leaves me alone with Jakob and my regret. 

“Years of service, Lord Marin.” I am ever so thankful I decided to have Jakob at my side, even if often times he is too kind to myself. I appreciate the bitter cuts of reality he oh so haughtily taunts me with.

“And what have you brought to the table, Joker.” 

“A bad nickname and..” He taps my hand as if to punctuate his dramatic pause “..Your common sense.” It is quite funny to hear him say such things with his dry northern accent. I do often wonder if it would be appropriate to ask where he is from in the midst of battle sometime. I hope not, that would surely slide under his skin like...tapeworms. “I know how often you leave those behind to pursue your ideas, Marin.”

“Fair enough.” I do not shrug, I nod. Though shrugging was tempting.

We spent the rest of the morning in comfortable silence which quickly faded into the comfortable ambiance of Felicia nagging and I, blocking her probably smart advice out.

Eventually, the incessant drivel provided by Felicia had brainwashed me into actually exercising the freedom bestowed upon me when I turned 15. However, what use is a blind man inside a glorified museum, all I can do is feel the bones of the poor who died creating it and the blood stains on the money that paid for it. I run my hand against the wall feeling the familiar dent from where I ‘accidentally’ slammed Elise into the wall for making me touch a fish. I could almost feel the vintage esque memory flood my mind leaving my body with a bittersweet tinge only rivaled with memories of an old friend. Perhaps a dead friend. A true one nonetheless, often than not I have fake friends who follow my money when they tire with theirs. It is quite...uncomfortable facing the dirtied money that allows me to alleviate all my issues. 

Woe is I, the rich man. Alone in his castle as the peasants starve.

I frown,

Woe is I, the blind man. Alone in his room with a scar he cannot see.

I'm not a poet. Speaking well is to be left to Leo. On a good day, Elise. I cannot help but smile at her name. Especially so, when I run my fingers across the door feeling the soft bumps of a language we crafted together slowly spelling out her name. Magic bubbled under the surface of it releasing a faint floral scent only to my nose. 

Oh? That's new. Elise, you mad genius. 

Against the call of my mind, I give into a fit of rebellion more fitting to someone of a starving class’ stature, my lips quirk a bit at the ends in what is supposed to be smile but as I've heard ends up being quite unnerving and ugly. Although, Camilla may call it cat-like. Her coddling of me knows no bounds, She may be well intentioned but, had I not known better, I may very have been walking around like a fool. A jester if the common folk were a court if you will. Such a strange saying, that-

BAM! I am starting to think doors and my face have developed a crippling codependency.

“MARIN!” Despite the circumstances, I grin, a feeling only comparable to hot cocoa on a frosty day wrapping around your chest into a satisfying warmth. Naturally so, I open my arms and a face hits my chest in a way i'm sure, I'll feel tomorrow. I don't care, however as my grin widens further.

Elise.

I sigh “Elise, do you want me to go blind and deaf. Honestly, you must mind your volume.” I say it but, I don’t mean it, She was magically gifted enough to make her ears pick up certain frequencies despite being born with no ability to hear at all and I find it quite funny when people speak to the pair of us like we are incompetent, when in fact together we see and hear things other may not hear.

“WHAT!” 

“Elise, I know you heard me.” I roll my eyes as she giggles guiding me into her room. I’d imagine it was a mess of ribbons and staves. This fact is only confirmed as I sit down and nearly choke myself on a ribbon like texture around my neck. Perhaps, Elise decided to fulfill her role of taking out the weak link while remaining the cute one.

Who am I to judge aesthetic timing, truly. My hair is green and I, despite my blindness decided to have two matching pastel haired servants. 

While catering to my then recovering eye….Duma would be jealous of my conniving. I decide this while Elise grabs my hand running her thumb over my knuckle by habit from when we were small. I haven’t the faintest idea past my own musings of magical overload, and the general human populace being overzealous, those who don’t lionize us….despise us. This prompted me to speak.

“Elise...I..” Then I paused, a rare action left as a reminder that ah, perhaps I am and can only be mortal. “..apologize...I’ve come to you with an ulterior motive.” My tone was not dissimilar to that of an actor in the midst of an especially angsty scene. After all, I had learned that dramatics are for a cowards. The unsettled feeling my stomach only confirmed the notion.

“So, it was YOU who put all this confetti in my room.”

“What- No?” I pause raising an eyebrow. “Elise I’ve never felt confetti...I-...I will not fall for your attempts to dissipate the worried expression my face.” I incline my head toward her, knowing my respect for her would never be enough to convey myself, my gratitude, my love toward her. “For all my time...you have been the quickest to see past my calm facade, no?” I sigh lowering my head, placing my hands in my lap and folding them together. I’ve always felt guilty, telling others my problems. Especially, Elise. Always Elise. The problems that plagued my mental kingdom are tenacious and riddled with inky black implications about my own being. Elise is my littler sister and a dedicated oasis in this barren monochromatic land of despondence. Truly, if the world is silent enough. In those brief moments were I haven’t even the tiniest amount of sound to suckle off of.  
I know I am useless on my own.

Countless displays of ineptitude, an inability to correctly drive my own mind paired with poor passion for my position. Alone, sitting in castle I spent most of my life, attempting to be diligent writing and writing chronologies of our time, my pondering of our current state in Nohr, the blossoming of Hoshido as it flirts between its modern world and its tradition of being a warrior country and of course, the beautiful waters of Lochinum and the wonders that reside in the hope filled blues. Say, in a past life I was born a bunny I long would’ve been abandoned by my family true to survival of the fittest. Except Elise. Never, it is Elise. No matter where I went. She follows.

The bottoms of my eyes burn and so, I blink. My cheeks are dry as I bite my lip. To some...my tears are ephemeral especially to those who venerate me as more then...but less as I play the role as Marin the poor prince who is helpless and, truthfully in my mind, I’ve cried enough tears to create a trench.

“Except now…” I suck in for air, I hadn’t noticed I lost. I put a hand on my chest running my thumb up and down across the tops of my vest. It was a gift from Xander. The soft appearance of it hid the cool magic resistance in between the the fabric. “In Hoshido I..” I feel shame hit my heart, I am acting like a child. I have enough shame to be disappointed in my sheltered nature yet not enough to leave the comfort of familiarity beyond a sarcastic joke or two.

Warmth, safety. I wrap my arms around her.

Emotion, an endless ocean of feelings. A sewed wound pulls open.

I sob.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> see you next fucking month bitch fuck consistency
> 
> typos will be tackled at a later date

**Author's Note:**

> Oh snap! You made it to the end-o my guy but, this is merely the beggining..beginning ? of the end. Yo hit me with those comments, those help me get all motivated and snaps.


End file.
